Even though my coaching is designed to help people become better leaders, sometimes we focus our sessions on family and other interpersonal relationships, because the skills my clients learn when addressing these are generalisable to work contexts.
I just had a powerful coaching session with a client named Brian that beautifully illustrates the transformative potential of a communication and conflict-resolution tool called Nonviolent Communication (NVC). I often finish my sessions feeling inspired, after witnessing my clients unlock new ways of operating, and leaving the session relieved and inspired. I have decided to start writing about these sessions in posts immediately afterward, because I am sure the tools I teach my clients are things that will probably be useful to you, too.
NVC isn’t just about resolving conflicts. It’s about creating radically new types of interactions with the people around us, where genuine connection and understanding can flourish.
In our session, Brian shared his struggles with his sister Jessica, describing how their interactions were often marred by misunderstandings and emotional turmoil. He felt judged and patronised, and often found himself freezing up or withdrawing, unable to communicate his needs effectively. This dynamic is all too familiar in many of our relationships, both personal and professional.
Brian’s experience is a mirror for many leaders who face similar challenges in their workplaces. Miscommunication, judgement, and unspoken demands can create an environment of tension and disconnection, stifling collaboration and innovation. What if there was a way to transform these interactions, to create a space where clear, compassionate communication could thrive?
This is where NVC comes in. Developed by Marshall Rosenberg, NVC is about shifting from “violent” communication—where we use judgments, demands, and guilt trips—to nonviolent communication, which is grounded in empathy and mutual respect. It’s about stating our needs clearly and making requests without imposing our will on others.
Imagine a meeting with your team where instead of saying, “You never meet deadlines,” you express, “I feel stressed when deadlines are missed because it impacts our project’s success. Can we discuss ways to improve our timelines?” This subtle shift creates a clearing—an open, judgement-free space where real dialogue can happen.
In my session with Brian, we practised this approach. He learned to express his needs without judgement and to make clear, respectful requests. For instance, instead of saying, “You’re always so selfish,” he practised saying, “I would love for us to have a relationship where we share more openly and support each other. Can we talk about how we can make this happen?”
The result? Brian felt more empowered and less reactive. He noticed a change in how his sister responded, opening up a pathway to a more harmonious relationship. This is the power of creating clearings in our communication.
As leaders, the benefits of adopting NVC are profound. By eliminating judgments and demands, we foster an environment of trust and collaboration. Teams feel heard and valued, leading to increased engagement and productivity. Moreover, as leaders model this behaviour, it sets a precedent for the entire organisation, cultivating a culture of respect and empathy.
In fact, NVC is a powerful way of increasing psychological safety in teams. In many workplaces, people use “violent” speech (e.g. judgement, demands, guilt trips and fear) to get their needs met. In my facilitation and coaching work, I teach people how to use NVC skills to instead directly articulate their needs and invite their colleagues to meet them. This helps people connect and interact in deeper ways, and unlocks greater collaboration and innovation. Creating conversations where people can actively cooperate to align their own personal needs with those of the team and organisation increases psychological safety – which Google’s Project Aristotle research found is the major factor in high functioning teams (as I have written about previously).
If you recognise yourself in Brian’s story, feeling the pain of separation caused by “violent” communication, and yearning for greater ease and harmony in your relationships, both at home and work, consider integrating NVC into your leadership approach.
Creating clearings in communication is not just about resolving conflicts; it’s about building stronger, more authentic connections. It’s about leading with empathy and understanding, paving the way for a more collaborative and innovative workplace.
Interested in learning more about how NVC can transform your leadership and relationships? Let’s explore how coaching can help you unlock your potential and create clearings in all areas of your professional life. Click here to book a free discovery call.
Creating clearings in our communication paves the way for a more harmonious and productive environment. Let me guide you in this transformative journey, just as I did with Brian.
Together, we can create spaces where genuine connection and effective leadership thrive.
